Finding support

My husband and I have been TTC for almost 3 years now. I remember thinking after a year that something must be wrong. When we were told that the only way we could conceive was through IVF, a million questions ran through my head. I had no idea what IVF meant! So I went home and Google’d it. As soon as I saw the price I had to go make myself a drink! I called our insurance company….no coverage. (Mind you, even though the doctor’s told us that’s the only way we could get pregnant I still took a pregnancy test EVERY month, just in case……with all the money I spent on pregnancy tests, I could have had a new wardrobe 🙂 Hubby’s not smiling now..)
I never felt so alone. I had so many questions and a computer in my reach……the obsession began! I searched fertility message boards (for hours everyday!), asked a few of my friends, called my doctor many times, read books, stopped working out, I mean you name it! My head was going crazy. All the while everyone is asking “so when are you and Trevor gonna have a baby?” or “Oh, don’t listen to your doctor, you just need patience” or “you are probably too stressed”………..blah, blah, blah. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I know they all meant well but I don’t think you can TRULY understand what it feels like unless you are in this situation. So I stopped talking about it. I kept my feelings to myself. I thought that would make me feel better but I only felt worse! I was jealous of all my friends having babies. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy for them because I am but I felt like I was being punished. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t get pregnant. That’s tough to admit.
We did many tests, a few surgeries, and 3 failed IUI cycles later and here we are. Only I don’t care to keep it a secret anymore. I don’t know why women feel ashamed about having fertility problems. Honestly, the things you have to put your body through, all the meds, emotions you go through, you deserve some support. The thing is, you aren’t going to get that support if you aren’t open with the people who care about you. Since I have opened up about our fertility problems my family, friends and even co-workers have been BEYOND supportive. That’s what we need. We do not need to go through this alone.
You may not always get the reactions you would hope for but I think the majority of the people you know who truly care will cheer you on. It can be very therapeutic, at least it has been for us.

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